How little she knows

just found out a surprising fact today, that she shared the same birthday with her late grandma.

while a few days ago, she also learned that the great monkey’s birthday, Hanuman, will be commemorated on the same day as her birthday this year. Could there have been any coincidence between her name and his? Was that give her mother any sort of idea to named her so?

it feels so strange….on how little she knows about her root. how little she knows of her surrounding facts. is it because they leave her too fast or was it because she put her attention elsewhere then, being a basketball star and John Stamos’s fan?

To a stunning sunrise from all direction of the world

I don’t want to sleep when you came up.

I don’t want to stay in my cave when you started to shine.

I want to stay awake and seeing your very first smile.

I really wish you see me smile, when you’re arise.

I am a strange reflector

I feel that I’m not only a stranger among the crowd, but I might as well be a stranger among people I close to.

Someone say that your world is how you perceive it.

Then I think the world is a totally strange place for me.

Though it consists of good people and bad ones

charming ones and ugly ones.

Not too forget the generous and the sincere ones. And those who are mean and conceited.

But somehow I feel all of them are strangers to me, as I am to them.

Brush every trace of unnecessary past

This is a new day, a new morning for me as I decide to accept myself the way I am.

I brush every trace of unecessary past. I let go of those burdensome thoughts with hope.

Hope that this time my baggage would be lighter, my mind would be fresher and my vision would be clearer.

Wish that I could be a freerer man this time.

my rainbow cotton candy

Lately I feel so lonely…so alone…

I feel like being in a crowd where people pass me by, and the rain from above falls heavily.
with hands in my jeans pocket…I watch that gloomy surrounding circling..
I thought I’ll be okay
but it’s been quite sometime ago since I had this kind of feeling..
and this repetition wake me up in tensed…
it seems like I’ve been running from something
but i can’t point my finger to what is it
guess it’s only my hormone
but realize my last period was about two weeks ago..
then what is it?

In such a gloomy day
i’m continue walking in a crowd …hoping to see a rainbow at the end of the horizon..
wishing to touch its surface
and find that it is as soft and sweet as cotton candy…
a cotton candy will surely make my day
I will eat the fluffy candy slowly
and raise my hand as high as I can to the rainbow candy above
it must be feel so good….
soon, kids around will gather and join my grandeur cotton candy party
all the sticky hands and colored grin will have the best time ever
as the lower part of the candy runs out,
a kid will anxiously climb over my shoulder and sit on it
he then helps me pick the higher point…
kids’ parent will join and do the same, picking up their children to their shoulder
everyone seems happy with a lot of laughs 
until the rainbow cotton candy runs out and disappear from the sky
and so the crowd dismissed

people will come back to their hustling walks to home or supermarket
and kids will hurry back home
me will continue my journey to everywhere…to anywhere
with a little smile in my face
looking above, “I know you will come again someday”
a rainbow cotton candy will never fail on me

The wrong impression of me

I just realized tonight that in a crowd no one really paid attention to me. No one glanced at me. Not even secretly observed me from the corner of their eyes.

And this is so surprising albeit relieving.

Because I have been having an impression that I was some sort of an anti-social artist, a jail breaker or a runaway child. All those kinds of people who desired social attention at the very least.

Now that I know I’m free. I can draw my attention into the silence existence of me, freely.

I am a free man.

Why must it feel like this?

I realize that I’m not bad at all, I’m just not good enough.

I am trapped between mediocrity and superiority.

And this makes me uneasy.

Lord, is there a vision that I can call my own?

thus, makes me care less of this classification

and be what I have to, must be, should be?

Just be me, nothing more, nothing less.

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